News Of Earth-Shattering Importance

Is it that the Korean Peninsula about to be dragged into a new, devastating war? Is it that major health-care reform legislation is about to pass? Is it that peace has been achieved in the Middle East and that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has been democratically voted out of office? Is it that we've solved global warming and found a cure for AIDS? Is it that the Tennessee General Assembly has found something to work on that doesn't have anything to do with guns or fetuses?

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No. The earth-shattering news is that Archie is going to propose to Veronica:

So in the end, Archie went with rich, glamorous, but spoiled and whiny Veronica rather than sweet, smart, "guy's girl" Betty. Given the choice between the girl with money and the girl who ultimately makes him happy, he went with the sugar-mama. I suppose you do what you have to in this economy!

First, as someone who read Archie Comics for years and still flips through them at the grocery store checkout line every now and then, I can guarantee that this is going to be one big joke designed to drum up some hype. It's apparently going to be a six-issue storyline describing how Archie and friends grow up, go to college, get jobs, and get married, but we all know that at the end of the sixth comic, everyone will wake up and realize it was all just a dream. How could it be otherwise? The series' entire premise rests on the "eternal love triangle" and upon the characters being seventeen forever.

(Or maybe it'll involve a "Lost"-esque flash-forward, where Archie does marry Veronica but discovers at the end of the sixth comic that he has to go back to the island to rescue Jughead!)

On a related note, the older I get, the more I realize that the entire "love triangle" storyline was a big crock anyway. It was always claimed that Archie loved both Betty and Veronica and simply couldn't choose. But really, why should he choose? He's got a great situation for himself--two girls who love him, who each have pros and cons but who ultimately complement each other, who may complain about the situation but don't do anything about it, and who are, by all accounts, best friends in spite of everything. Of course Archie isn't going to choose between the two, he gets to be a player without even really trying! And as annoyed as Jughead and Reggie may both be about it, they're ultimately not going to stop "their boy" from doing what he does. Bros before hos and all.

Really, if neither Betty nor Veronica have figured out after 65 years that they're both being played like idiots, then maybe it's a match made in Heaven after all. It's like a less compelling version of "Big Love."

I will probably read these comics when they come out. I am curious what caused Archie to ultimately pick Veronica over Betty, when it was always clear that he and Betty were more compatible. My theory has always been that Veronica seemed like she'd be more "adventurous" in ways that innocent Betty wasn't, if you know what I mean.